2026.05.17 02:28

i really cannot count the number of days that have gone by where i felt like a total useless idiot for not being productive. every time i have a day (or a string of days) like this i just feel like i've totally dropped the ball. it's kind of an overwhelmingly persistant aspect of my life


the thing is, i've gotta remember that the ball isn't real. there's no ball to actually drop here............ i think. but it still bums me out when i didn't use a day to work towards one of my 8 trillion goals. because i only get so much time to be alive

i just need to remember that doing LITERALLY ANYTHING (!!!!!!!) {{that does not harm anyone else, obviously}} is a completely great and valid way to spend my time.
because the name of the game is living.
and here i am, living!!
so i should be thrilled about that



i think?

i tell myself all this, and i really do believe it, but the ruthless speed with which the days fly by makes it tough to keep at the front of my mind. because boy, the days really just do slip away, never to return. if i want to work towards some goal during my lifetime, well now that's one less day to do it


at the same time...... that was also one more day to do the things that i DID do that day, however menial they may be 

(((.....I AM TRYING SO DESPERATELY TO TELL MYSELF)))




on a completely unrelated topic, i think i suck at producing music. and due to how much i'm not great at it, it kinda puts me off of spending more time working on it.
and so i still suck
(badly)